Thrash Hits

July 2nd, 2008

American Goalies Who Like Metal

It came to our attention that American goalkeepers in the English Premiership are occasionally fans of heavy metal. Joe Shooman dives into the unknown with the most unpredictable bunch of sportsmen available.

Tim Howard Everton Manchester United Thrash Hits

It’s fairly common knowledge that Stuart ‘Psycho’ Pearce is bang up for a bit of punk, and when the Pistols played at Finsbury Park in ’96 he got onstage with em for a bit of a mosh. ‘Cause he’s a top geezer, innit.

He was also spotted (by me) at a Stiff Little Fingers gig in Liverpool a few years later. He’s not as tall as you think, but he does look rock hard and I certainly wouldn’t f**k with him.

Most of the top footballists of our revered Premiership think a good night out is a bottle of Grey Goose followed by a rendition of ‘Soulja Boi’ and puking over some pneumatic tart they’ve picked up then calling it foreplay.

However, it’s refreshing to note that there is a phenomenon extant in the UK which we at Thrash Hits .com will call American Goalies Who Like S**t Metal. Because they do. Well. At least two of them anyway.

Take Reading FC’s Marcus Hahnemann for example. Not only does he share a surname with Jeff of Slayer, he’s also got quite a pre-match ritual.

Watch the video to ‘Sober’ by Tool

“I’ll be listening to Slipknot or Tool,” he told an interviewer. “Something really hard and in your face to get you pumped up.” He’ll also drink four cans of Red Bull. Just what you need before facing Kevin Davies and his ilk.

Similarly, Fulham FC’s Kasey Keller is mad for the more aggressive side of rawk. He used to play for Borussia Monchengladbach, which is also a damn good name for a metal band if you ask us.

“When I want to have the weight room to myself,” said Keller to USA Today, “I put in some music and then slowly I do. Slipknot or Soulfly will do the job pretty well. You can always put in some death metal like Satyricon or Opeth, that will get them going.”

We’re gonna take some footballs to Download Festival next year and see if it works in reverse so that we can clear a decent area for a picnic during Slayer’s set. Which is probably stupid.

Watch Kasey Keller at his best

Tim Howard (pictured up top, throwing the horns, probably), meanwhile, the Tourettes-suffering minder of Everton’s onion bag, is well into God’s Greatest Hits (his fave song is Psalm 118:24) so doubtless disapproves. Or listens to Stryper.

Brad Friedel was last seen online updating his blog which is quite frankly of dubious provenance, unless the Blackburn goalie really does like making lists of Chuck Norris-esque facts like “[I] once breast-fed a flamingo back to health” or claiming to have eaten homeless people and impregnate most of North West England. Including the blokes. It’s pretty damned rock ‘n’ roll whichever way you look at it.

Whether this love of noise is down to the fact that these guys are trying to prove themselves manly in the face of the US perception of footy (soccer, indeed) being a girl’s sport is up for discussion, of course, but it’s still better than yer usual twat-faced footballer in a top-end Porsche with Phil Collins blasting out the sunroof.


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