Thrash Hits

February 12th, 2009

Funny Video, Funnier Band: Hollywood Undead – ‘Undead’

Hollywood Undead are, unsurprisingly from Los Angeles, California. They seem to have created an image inspired by Mushroomhead and Mudvayne but spew a sound… a sound… it’s the sound of McFly rapping. It makes us cry.

hollywood undead promo photo thrash hits

Do you remember Corporate Avenger? I hope not – they were a terrible, mask-wearing bunch of tools that lurched into view after getting a whiff of Slipknot’s vapour trails and decided they quite fancied a piece of that pie. Thankfully, the world stood up as one and mocked them back under the rock from which they crawled from under.

We bring them up because we hope the same fate consumes Hollywood Undead, easily the vilest and earachingly awful exponent of the idiot genre that is screamo-crunk. It’s as if all the macho posturing you can find on Hot Chicks With Douchebags has been distilled into six semen-scrapings from the inner penis tube of a serial date-rapist.

While we might poke a bit of fun at the nu-nu-metal shapes thrown by Five Finger Death Punch and their tragically literal promo videos, they at least they a core well-meaning fun at the centre of their musical misdemeanors. The idea that anyone other than Insane Clown Posse fans and retard frat boys enjoying a Hollywood Undead gig seems as unlikely as a scene girl’s hair straighteners cracking the secrets of space time.

The video for ‘Undead’ smacks of wigger posing given a marketing budget. Of course, acting like they’re the big tough guys is easy for Hollywood Undead while they hide behind masks – who can say that they’re not? The masks let them leave their skinny weedy pasts behind, and become the kind of men that alt-porn stars like Mandy Morbid (definitely NSFW) can’t help but writhe all over as their prone, partied-out bodies lie unconscious in sleazy motels. Well, for as long as the record company pays them to.

Watch the video to ‘Undead’ by Hollywood Undead

Let’s not tolerate this shit because a few aging hacks fear this might be “popular with the kids” and are paralysed with the fear that by not covering it they’ll be branded as even more obsolete than they already are. Let’s not tolerate this shit out of some misjudged sense of irony or high kitsch. Let’s unmask these jokers and feed them to a pack of starving wolves.

Everyone involved in the creation of this video – please ram your head through the viewing window of the nearest microwave then irradiate what little brain you have on the highest setting. The five or so braincells you must have have left not already been infected by Hollywood Undead’s ball-aching awfulness will thank you for putting them out of their misery.

I’ve deliberately avoided dissecting their “lyrics”. It’s too easy:

I’m getting used to this nuisance,
And all the fags who bad mouth this music,
It’s fuckin stupid and foolish of you to think you can do this,
You cowards can’t, never will, don’t even try to pursue it.
I took the chance, I played the pill, I nearly died for this music.

Just “nearly”? Next time lads, please keep going till you’ve gone the whole hog.


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