Hugh Platt is very angry about a great many things. Most of the time, there is little rhyme or reason but this time, upon Ian Camfield’s return to the Xfm Rock Show, he’s got reasons at least.

Look at those cold dead eyes: it’s Ian Camfield from the Xfm Rock Show. He looks like he wants to eat you. Last Saturday, Camfield returned to host the Xfm Rock Show after a year-long stint at K-ROCK in New York.

During that time, Kerrang! scribe and self-confessed “relentlessly-upbeat-colourful-midget”, Katie Parsons, had helmed the Rock Show to new successes over the last 9 months, but the return of Camfield – prompted by K-ROCK’s decision to play nothing but classic rock – has seen her shunted off in favour of the returning Essex DJ.

Which, frankly, is fucking terrible news if you care even slightly about the quality of metal radio in the UK, because Ian Camfield’s Rock Show is a big pile of shit.

Camfield’s previous run as the Rock Show presenter was a glum, self-indulgent mess of radio programming. The backwards-thinking playlists (why don’t you play YET ANOTHER Paul Di’Anno track, eh Ian?), mixed with Camfield’s stodgy unwillingness to investigate bands beyond what he picked up in a skim-read of the previous Metal Hammer, made it a sorry listening experience. He was a leaden lump of a man, unable to understand anything beyond the surface the genre he professes to love.

Nothing has changed now he’s returned. We had planned on listening to the full four hours of Camfield’s show last weekend, but it literally sent us to sleep within the first hour. We managed to keep conscious long enough to be subjected to Papa Roach’s desperate-sounding ‘Hollywood Whore’, a misguided and intelligence-insulting feature attempting to educate the listeners to Judas Priest, and ‘Been Caught Stealing’ by Jane’s Addiction. Why bother one of the many dozens of awesome tracks in their back catalogue when you can choose the one that’s so fucking obvious and overplayed?

The presenter he ousted, Katie Parsons, might’ve kept it lightweight in the first hour with more You Me At Six and Paramore than Thrash Hits is is usually able to take, but she did it because she knew her that’s what the early audience wanted. Both on air and off, she communicated with the audience, and above all gave a shit what they thought. Camfield almost seems to find the fact that his listeners might have opinions amusing. Parsons made sure she knew about what she was playing, and hell, even when she didn’t, she’d shout it out to the listeners to fill her in. It was a radio show that fostered community.

Katie P co-hosting the Xfm Rock Show with Charlie Simpson from Fightstar

Camfield, on the other hand, just doesn’t sound like he truly cares about the music he’s supposed to be a specialist in. I want someone presenting a metal radio show to practically shit commitment and piss enthusiasm. I don’t think Camfield is capable of an enthusiastic fart. I want someone to introduce me to music I never even knew existed. Despite leaving the USA because of their retro playlists, Camfield’s own music selections feel rooted in the past.

Is radio really important enough to warrant this rant? Of all people, we at Thrash Hits should be championing the internet as a medium, surely? To let someone else sometimes choose what you listen to isn’t musical masochism, nor is it looking to return to the time when gatekeepers – like Camfield – rejected music they didn’t understand and tried to restrict us to their own narrow tasteband. Radio can still important, at least it is when it’s done well. The internet is a giant, bastard jukebox of a thing, and without something suggesting directions to explore, it can unmanageable. That’s what metal radio should be – we don’t want someone dictating where to go, we want someone to come along with us for the ride.

Is Camfield’s show – on a regional radio station – really big enough for us to spend time giving a shit about? It’s not national like the Radio 1 Rock Show – but then that has it’s own set of problems these days, with Daniel P Carter’s passion obviously shifting towards to being in a band again. Xfm isn’t primarily a metal station like TotalRock, but then that’s what makes the four short hours of the Xfm Rock Show so important. If it’s all Xfm is going to give over to metal, then it shouldn’t be anything less than shit-hot.

We’ll give Camfield one thing: he’s not as shit as Kerrang! Radio. No matter how far the K! brand has fallen in recent years, that abortion of taste that is Kerrang! Radio – with a playlist that includes the fucking Kooks, for fucking fuck’s sake – will forever be the nadir of this once-great metal empire.

We’ve not totally given up on Xfm’s cursory nod to metal just yet, and we genuinely, sincerely hope that the show improves. We’ll be listening in again tonight to see if Ian continues to repeat his (many) mistakes. At least if we can stay awake this time….