Thrash Hits

September 18th, 2009

Osama Bin Laden is a Van Halen fan too

osama bin laden metal thrash hits van halen

Uh huh. According to the 2007 autobiography of one of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives, Osama Bin Laden likes to see girls dancing to Van Halen. Who the bleeding heck doesn’t?!

Taken from page 189 of Kola Boof’s book, The Diary Of A Lost Girl, she outlines the terrible shit she had to do and the nightmares that she is left with.

“Other times he would humiliate me by making me get up and dance naked. It was such a strange thing, because for the most part, Osama believed that music was evil… But then he’d become this other guy who wanted to hear Van Halen or some B-52’s. To this day, I hear the song ‘Rock Lobster’ in my sleep.”

Nobody needs to hear The B-52’s in their sleep. Ignoring the not-unexpectedly racist requests of the man who pissed off the whole world in one afternoon, there is one part of the next excerpt that really stands out:

“I would be jerking around like a white girl (because, he would instruct me, ‘Dance like a caucasoid girl!’) and his eyes would track my jiggling tits from one side of the room to the terrace to the other side. Constantly telling me not to turn around , because in his opinion, ‘Your ass is too big – show me the front.'”

What one earth is his beef with a full derriere? Queen sang about ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’, Spinal Tap wrote ‘Big Bottom’ and, most recently, Steel Panther have written the epic ballad, ‘Fat Girl (Thar She Blows)’. They’re all righteously celebrating meaty bums on fine lasses. Wind your neck in, Osama, you lanky streak of terrorist piss.

It’s rumoured that the bearded idiot is also a Whitney Houston fan though, so with Van Halen, The B-52’s and Whitney on his iPod, we’re not sure that he’s a real music fan at all.

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