Inspired by a million super-serious promo photos of Scandinavian metal bands in Scandinavian forests, Thrash Hits went for a walk in the forest. Admittedly, the forest was London’s finest, Epping Forest and instead of stumbling upon another shit Home Counties hardcore band, we stumbled upon… A HEAVY METAL TREE!
Excuse us if we’re just shit at using the Internet but a couple of minutes of furious Googling didn’t uncover any other Heavy Metal Trees at all. We found Heavy Metal Poisoning in trees and Heavy Metal Family Trees, but no actual trees that are Heavy Metal.
This EXCLUSIVE has all led to Thrash Hits sponsoring this tree amidst the claim that this very bald, invisible orange-clutching tree is…
Look at it! It’s all bony and gnarled and it looks like a hand! A hand that is righteously rocking out and clutching some sort of rock thing. Yes, possibly an invisible orange. It certainly helps that it’s winter. There’s no leather trenchcoat, though, so it’s not a Goth Tree. Phew.
Can’t be bothered to Photoshop an actual orange into the ‘palm’ of this tree, but you still get it.
Just so the Most Metal Tree in the WORLD didn’t feel left out at not having a Scandinavian band posing ludicrously near to it, I took it upon myself to grab a couple of smaller invisible oranges and scream, “RARGH.”
Here is a photo of me doing exactly that:
Please, if you find any other Heavy Metal Trees or if you find any – God forbid, this – superior Heavy Metal Trees, feel free to post a link below or even get in touch with us. We’d love to expand upon nature being awesome.