After launching our Metal Safari by looking at The Owl, we’ve now been inspired by Ricky The Penguin. After inking a record deal in the spring, the London Zoo inhabitant recently recorded a duet with Yorkshire rockers, G.U. Medicine. Therefore, next up on our dark, dangerous route around the animal kingdom is…
Weapons – 2/6
They’ve got a strong beak and a fast neck for snatching fish out of the water, but what if there’s no water? Or no fish? Penguin would be fucked.
Diet – 2/6
They eat fish. They’re like pescitarians which is like a copout vegetarian. What’s the point? Man up and eat a bloody steak, Penguin.
Viciousness – 5/6
Unlike most other birds, they do not fear humans. Look at Ricky The Rockhopper, for instance, hanging out with Yorkshiremen. I bet he loves Jagermeister as well. Penguins are also prone to stealing each other’s children.
Attire – 2.5/6
Yes, their black and white plumage makes them look like they’re wearing a dinner suit. This makes them very smart. Metallers are well known for being the opposite of smart. Nobody wants to puke on their tux.
Independence – 2/6
Penguins usually hang out with thousands of other penguins and get one girlfriend per mating season. Sometimes they stick with her, sometimes they don’t. Penguins can be aloof as well.
Tattoo Potential – 1/6
You may as well get a Spongebob Squarepants tattoo as well. Because you’re wacky. Just ignore the fact that Tom Araya approves of Spongebob for a moment.
They fish their own food and despite being rather well turned out, will look crap inked onto your shoulder. While Ricky the Rockhopper probably won’t steal your children, he does have grand plans of being a metal icon. Fair cop.
That’s a photo of G.U. Medicine hanging out with Ricky the Rockhopper in London Zoo. That’s a Jägermeister-branded microphone they’re holding up at the top, because it’s part of the ‘Serve Ice Cold’ Studio Sessions. Cool.
Ryan Senior of G.U. Medicine said stuff about going to London Zoo when he was a little lad and never imagining singing a song with a penguin. Seriously. Ricky’s ‘people’ said stuff like they always expected him to make this step in his career as a serious artist.
YES, WE WOULD LOVE A BOTTLE OF JAGERMEISTER. Thanks xx
Let us know if you disagree with any of our ratings and where you think we should go next on Metal Safari.