Thrash Hits

January 25th, 2011

Relive Glenn Danzig’s “greatest hits”

Hugh Platt loves Danzig a bit too much. Okay, he loves Danzig far too much. That Glenn’s playing Download Festival 2011 has gotten Hugh far too excited.

Danzig Throws The Horns Thrash Hits

Of all the line-up additions announced for Download Festival 2011 last night, it was the confirmation that Glenn frickin’ Danzig was finally coming back to the UK that gave us the biggest festival hard-on. If you don’t know who Danzig is, well, you’re an idiot or a child. Go over to YouTube or Spotify or anywhere and check out some of his music.

Glenn Danzig might be a musical hero of ours, but we’d be lying if we said we thought his greatness was entirely down to his musical back catalogue. Other than the fact that he’s got some clearly batshit insane opinions about cancer, goes shopping for kitty litter wearing his own band t-shirts, he’s also the inspiration for countless amounts of video LOLs across the interweb.

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Let’s start with the basics: musicians falling off stage is always funny, right? Okay, so it’s also highly dangerous and could result in musicians suffering career-wrecking injuries, but if they’re alright afterwards then it’s hilarious, right? Anyway, Danzig took a tumble while playing ‘How The Gods Kill’ in Baltimore back in 2007:

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Next up there’s a recent interview that Rob from Metal Injection did with The Dark One when Danzig was promoting his latest album, Deth Red Sabaoth. Normally you can count on Metal Injection interviews to be cut from the same kind of let’s-dick-about cloth that we run with for Thrash Hits TV, but here Rob is so intimidated by the diminutive muscle monster that he keeps it pretty legit. Right up to the moment Danzig starts speculating that Rob is the son of WWE wrestler, The Big Show:

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We featured this next one just before Christmas – head on over to the relevant post if you want the full background on this one – but suffice to say, no rundown of Glenn’s online video highlights would be complete without this animation of his what-if adventures as Henry Rollins’ “special” room-mate:

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Just over a year ago, the chaps over at Metal Inquisition carried out an original investigation into the fate of “The Mother Chick”, ie, the dancing girl from the infamous video to Danzig’s ‘Mother’. Sadly all of the shockingly funny videos that accompanied the piece have subsequently been taken down, but she has posted at least one more deranged rant to camera that (somewhat) about the Evil Elvis. For the sake of your own eyes though, don’t click on any of her other videos (we don’t have enough brain-bleach to lose those memories):

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By now everyone (well, seven million views and growing….) knows that Shakira is a secret Danzig fan. This next YouTube video provides that. Well, it’s either that, or someone with a bit too much time on his hands and a talent for impersonating Danzig has spliced together her worldwide smash-hit ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ with various Danzig clips and his own impression of Glenn for the purposes of providing us with two and half  minutes of fun:

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Where would a man as seeped in evil and the occult as Glenn Dazig live? Why, as Aqua Teen Hunger Force clearly showed, a condo in New Jersey isn’t good enough for our Glenn. Oh no. He needs a house with a ghost robot from the future and blood pumping out of the plumbing.

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We love the internet. It gives us hours of fun, an outlet to spout off our ill-informed opinions about metal with next-to-zero editorial control, and easy access to the kinds of eye-wateringly obscene pornography that generations before broadband could only dream about. It also enabled people to share what they though Danzig would sound like if he sung his shopping list. God, we love the internet.

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Alternatively, watch this short-but-sweet clip of Glenn rocking forth like a bored-out-of-his-brain waxwork, spouting off bad satire on Barack Obama on Fox News’ late night Red Eye show:

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And of course, what collection of Danzig videos would be complete without THAT video – the one from a few years back where Danzig gets knocked out by one punch from North Side Kings frontman, Danny Marianinho. If you want the full story behind this incident, it’s all over Blabbermouth, but for the time being, let’s just take this as a reminder as to why you should always be polite to your support bands:

We love you really, Glenn. Please don’t put a curse on us.

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