Thrash Hits

December 8th, 2011

Thrash Hits’ WORST album of 2011

2011 albums of year WORST thrash hits

It’s been an excellent year for great albums but it’s also been a hilarious year for pretty much one particular reason. Anyone who likes and follows heavy metal also follows and (probably) likes Metallica. Lulu happened and when the first reaction was puzzlement, the second reaction was laughter and the third reaction was anger, we were left confused, cold and abused in the corner. Not everyone thought Lulu was the worst album of 2011, but most of us did.

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Hugh Platt – NOT Lulu

“My choice for worst album of 2011 isn’t the stupidest (that would be Five Finger Death Punch’s wretched American Capitalist), nor is it the most unintentionally funny (Loutallica’s laughable Lulu), nor is it even the most ill-conceived genre-clash (the deathcore-meets-trance horror that is The Browing’s Burn This World). No, my Worst Album Of The Year is the album that disappointed me the most – The Haunted’s Unseen.”

“As unfashionable as it might be to admit in some quarters, I’m a fan of The Haunted, and have been for years, and for Unseen to fall so far, far short of my expectations was definitely a low point of 2011. The power and aggression of earlier records by The Haunted has been jettisoned wholesale for a mish-mash of styles and a misplaced belief that cranking up the melodic aspect of their songs can cover up the flaws in some pretty boring songwriting. When I reviewed this back in March, I called it ‘a rambling, directionless mess’. Looking back, even that description seems generous.”

Raziq Rauf – Lulu
“I struggle to look at Lulu as a bad album. Obviously, it’s the worst thing Metallica have ever done but the level of amusement that I’ve achieved through following the slow release of the album and then actually listening to the damned thing… I am grateful for its existence. Without mirth our lives are dull and Lulu lit my autumn up.”

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Tom Doyle – NOT Lulu, but it seems like it

“It is with a measure of certainty that I assume most of you will be leaping for the same record for the dubious title of ‘Worst Album of the Year’, but before we all start yelling again about exactly how shit Lulu is and about what a deplorably misjudged campaign preceded its frighteningly non-ironic release let us take a second to reflect on a few of the broader matters at hand.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to defend Lulu, it is, after all, the nadir of a group at least 50 per cent of whom appear to be virtually illiterate when it comes to understanding modern metal. Yet it’s worth remembering how often bands are lambasted for playing it safe and trotting out the same hackneyed dogshit album after album and at least, AT LEAST, you can’t accuse Metallica of that with Lulu. Obviously there are a zillion things you’d rather do with the inordinate amount of time that Lulu will rob from your life through only one listen, like watch the World Cup Final, or cut your ears off with a rusty screwdriver, but I guarantee not one of you will give a solitary fuck about any of this when they crunch into out ‘Enter Sandman’ at Download next year. This is Metallica we are talking about, and no-one in their right mind doesn’t like Metallica – no matter what happens, those first six records means you can still hold your head up high as a fan of the Biggest Metal Band Of All Time.”

“No, the worst album of the year by a country mile is Five Finger Death Punch‘s laughable third full length American Capitalist. As my esteemed colleague Hugh Platt pointed out in his (as ever) spot on review of it earlier in the year, it is a record characterised by the kind of bone-headedness which non-metal fans think is representative of anyone listening to something heavier than All Time Low. It is SO willfully, knuckle-draggingly, painfully and irredeemably fucking DUMB that not only is it an embarrassment to rock music, but more importantly it is an embarrassment to rock fans.”

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“The reason the brilliant work of so many acts working at the heavier end of the musical spectrum is derided and that metal and hard rock music is so often considered a cute sideshow by the ‘grown up’ music press is that idiots like FFDP keep putting out moronic records like American Capitalist – ‘look at them with their silly hair and their caricature misogyny and their daddy-never-hugged-me shouting’ the critics sneer, and they are absolutely right. Forget about the fact that Will Haven made a record of astonishing depth and vitality this year, forget that Converge continue to power on like a relentless behemoth of impassioned bile, forget that Bring Me The Horizon are the name on the lips of about 40 per cent of teenagers in the UK right now, FFDP is who is representing us in the eyes of the general public. Have a long hard think about that.”

“If you are a fan of heavy music of any creed, and it MEANS something to you, you owe it to yourself not to buy records like American Capitalist. FFDP make fools of us all with their puerile jock-metal and for this reason American Capitalist should not only be considered a bad record (although it surely is that) it should also be considered a dangerous record.”

“Next time someone looks at you pityingly when you tell them you like metal, or punk, or hardcore, blame FFDP and their ilk for putting you in that position. Puts ‘Iced Honey’ right into perspective.”

Amit Sharma – Lulu
“Lulu…”

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Paul Caudell – Lulu
“Yeah I know everyone will answer that but it’s set to be a milestone for bad music for the next ten years.”

Jon Kerr – Lulu
“Metallica sound lazy and bored. The mix is horrible and Lou Reed passed his peek decades ago. This might be the worse rock album I’ve ever heard.”

Andy Parker – NOT Lulu
“Whilst not a terrible album, the change in direction and final evoloution of The Blackening gave Machine Head an opportunity to become the Madonna of metal, evolving with the times. Unto The Locust was ultimately much of the same. I had expected more.”

Matt Thomas – Lulu
“Fucking Lulu, obvs.”

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You should now go and have a read of the Albums of 2011 that we actually like very, very much and then maybe cast your vote in the poll to tell us what YOUR favourite album of 2011 is.


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