Download Festival. It’s the biggest event on 2012’s metal calendar. But for every festival goer moshing in the mud and torrential rain, there’s some poor (clean, dry and warm) sod stuck at home. Some of you may be raging against whatever machine you’re tied to this weekend. Others may just be sticking on The Black Album and having a cry.
Fuck that. Whether you’re too broke or just couldn’t make it this year, here’s six reasons not to be miffed about missing Download 2012…
Top Six: Reasons not to be miffed about missing Download 2012
1. “Dunkirk Spirit”
Ah yes, the Great British Summer. A mate quipped that Download 2012 should be renamed Giggity Giggity Fest, because it’s a quagmire out there. The usual defence at festivals is it doesn’t matter what the weather’s like. Once the bands get going, everyone’ll be having too great a time to notice they’re waist deep in mud and effluvia. That’s not Dunkirk Spirit. Those guys had boats.
Ultimately, Metal is a genre born of late nights, dingy toilet venues, and the nerdy misdirection of frustrated sexual appetite. Even if the weather does turn out fine, it is difficult to look properly metal with an outdoorsy lifestyle. Look at Incubus. The metal quality of their records is inversely proportional to how healthy Brandon Boyd looks in the promo shoot. Besides, torrential wind and rain are pretty much the opposite of Metal. Everyone knows Fire is the Metal element. Well, after Metal, anyways.
2) The worst queues ever
First you have to queue to get into the festival. Then you have to queue to get a car parking space. Then you have to queue to get into the campsite. Then, assuming you actually managed to find a space, there’s the queue to get into the arena. By our carefully calculated, scientific guestimate (done on the back of a Nando’s receipt), you’re going to be spending at least twelve hours of the weekend just queueing to get in. That’s not to mention the lines for the cash machines, the funfair rides, toilets (we’ll come to those in a minute)…
And then there’s the bar. Twenty minutes queue for the beer tokens. Then twenty minutes queue to exchange those tokens for beer. Don’t get started on the price.
3) Festival Toilets
4) Look at what else is on.
London punks could have caught the legendary Tragedy at the New Cross Inn on Friday 08 June. Then there’s Prometheus. Look, everyone knows you didn’t really see it on opening weekend, because it was a bloody nightmare to get into and you left it to the last minute to get tickets. Here’s a chance to watch the most divisive prequel-that’s-not-a-prequel-but-it-is since the last superhero reboot.
If you’re more of a gamer, particularly of the MMO persuasion, the long-awaited Guild Wars 2 hits open beta this weekend. And if those don’t float your boat, there was always Zoolander on E4 – possibly the greatest movie about a brainwashed supermodel trying to kill the Malaysian Prime Minister. What do you mean, you can just watch it on Netflix?
5) Half of them’ll be back again in a few weeks
One of the biggest problems with festival exclusives is that, half the time, they’re not that exclusive. In the name of keeping it special, all other announcements get put on hold. So everyone knows that, come Monday morning, a bunch of bigger bands on the line-up will announce a slew of UK club shows for later in the Summer or Autumn. Refused have already announced they’ll be playing two club dates in the UK this August (12 August at the Forum in London, and 14 August in Manchester), with tickets on sale next week. So you won’t be missing that much… right?
6) You can watch the best bits on Thrash Hits this week
If none of that’s soothed your angst, never fear. Thrash Hits will have all the best coverage from the weekend, including exclusive video interviews, some cracking live galleries, and many other shenanigans across the weekend. Pop it on, grab yourself a beer, a plastic mac and wellies, and stand in your shower. It’ll be just like being there. Honest.
Check out the Thrash Hits Download Festival 2012 coverage right HERE!