Thrash Hits

July 3rd, 2012

The Only Way Is… HEAVY METAL (and Topshop)

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Who is this hot metal babe showing her impeccable taste in Heavy Metal by wearing a Bullet For My Valentine t-shirt? It’s only Lauren Pope from The Only Way Is Essex, or TOWIE as it is also known.

TOWIE is not an up-and-coming band from Essex, though. IT’S A REALITY TV SHOW AND LAUREN POPE DOESN’T REALLY LIKE METAL!!! That’s pretty obvious from her wearing a BFMV t-shirt, but whatever LOLOL.

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In better news, Lauren’s skirt is called a Mullet Skirt and mullets are a million times more metal than your haircut, so props on that. How dare a non-metaller wear a band t-shirt though? Hang on…

AND OH MY GOD, TOPSHOP ARE SELLING A SLAYER T-SHIRT. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? HOW DARE THEY!?! First hipsters stole our Slayer away from us and now fashion-conscious girls are wearing the same clothes as fashion-conscious boys. Holy fuckety fuck.

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It’s only £22 quid and that’s much easier than you getting your scissors out and making your boxy, uncomfortable Slayer t-shirt look sexy, right girls? Plus, that lace is HOTT.

This is nothing new. I was in Topshop with an old girlfriend once and another bored guy asked me where I got my Motörhead t-shirt from, expecting me to say Aisle 27. I told him I got it from the Motörhead show at Brixton last autumn and asked him when the last time he saw Motörhead. He said he’d seen them at a festival once.

I shook my head at him and walked over to the lingerie section to cheer myself up anyway.

Whatever. Just buy your t-shirts from the bands. Ideally, that will be at a gig, where you might even get to meet the band at the merch stall. Otherwise, get it from their webstore. That way the band will get the money, which is NICE.

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