Thrash Hits

October 1st, 2013

Future Hits 158: The Hell… you dick

shit just got real the hell you dick video tattoo thrash hits 2013

THE HELL
From: Watford, UK
Lazy equation: UK Hardcore + a dozen different (anonymous) singers
URL: Facebook // Twitter

Thrash Hits verdict: It was back in June that we stumbled across the Facebook page for The Hell. A couple of hardcore luminaries had clicked like on this band page and it had no information and single figures of people were on it at the time. It was shrouded in mystery. We knew they had a European booking agent but he himself didn’t know who was in the band. He was asking us about them and he was working with The Hell. Then, at the start of July, they released one song with a bold proclamation that an album would be released the following week. It’s The (motherfucking) Hell, you dick.

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1) It’s funny. It’s purposefully coarse (“You’re listening to The Hell, you dick.”) and it’s wholly offensive (“Djent is for paedos”) but when it’s funny, it’s bloody hilarious. Aside from the base humour of You Prick and You Dick, take these lyrics from ‘I’ve Never Seen A Jackal On The 142’, for instance.

“You live in Golders Green with your mum and your dad and your gran. Your dirty fucking gran.”

Find some lyrics wittier and more cutting than that. Challenge extended.

2) They released their album independently and without any fanfare whatsoever. It’s filled with magnificent riffs and wicked commentary but it’s also free so you can 100 per cent make up your own mind. You prick.

3) They’ve played one solitary gig so far, supporting Gallows at The Macbeth the night before Reading & Leeds Festival. It was bloody excellent. They played with just the one vocalist rather than the motley crew assembled upon the cover, but his delivery was as true to the album’s sentiment as you could get. All the awkward silences were filled with abusive quips and the riffs rained down upon us like rain would if it was raining and as they were clambering around the stage with their faces masked with a job lot of rubbish bandanas, there was no chance of discovering their true identities.

4) They’ve got a soundboard and it’s ridiculous. The Hell Sound System has three separate entries for “It’s The motherfucking Hell.” That really ought to be enough to sell you on it.

5) Who are they? So confusing is their anonymity and the ubiquity of their name that they were actually listed (wrongly) to play Bloodstock Festival this summer. It wasn’t them, but tongues were wagging nonetheless. You can probably recognise a couple of people on that cover from other bands in and around the UK hardcore scene but who’s the ringleader? Who is the main protagonist of this wild escapade in dirgey, bouncing malevolence? Who’s making all the jokes? What’s going on? Why have I just tattooed “SHIT JUST GOT REAL” on my arm? Oh…

6) Is it all a massive in-joke? From what we understand (we have our sources), it’s a sort of experiment to see how far a band can get without any “professional” help. No PR. No label. No management. Just music. Sounds pretty righteous to us. And they’ve got another album ready to go. What is this shit?

This is The motherfucking Hell, you prick

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