What’s going on? The world’s finest alternative pop star, Avril Lavigne and the world’s finest Nickelback singer, Chad Kroeger have been boning hard enough and frequently enough that they want to keep doing it forever and ever. They’re getting married.
What you see above is what their children will look like. It’s not an artist’s impression. It’s a fact. Notice how both images look like Nic Cage.
Nickelback definitely want to be rockstars and Live Nation are going to let them – to the tune of $70 million (roughly £35 million).
Sadly, the mega-selling Canadians still have to release two albums on their current label, Roadrunner Records so they won’t be joining their new home until 2010. Other artists on Live Nation include Madonna, Jay-Z and U2. Nickelback really are that big.
The new deal is not just limited to releasing three albums but also includes tour profits, merchandise sales, broadcast rights and fan club membership fees. Live Nation clearly want a slice of every pie around.
Watch the video to ‘Rockstar’ by Nickelback
It’s not that Nickelback were doing badly. ‘Rockstar’ has been in the UK Singles Chart for nine months now and has been named the second biggest-selling single of 2008 (after Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’, which was covered by both Biffy Clyro and Plain White T’s). And they’re going on a massive arena tour this autumn.
With all that cash in their pockets, they’ll definitely be able to afford that bathroom they want to play baseball in, with that king size tub that can fit ten people in. That tub will be useful for the baseball team after the game. It all makes sense.
Alternatively, Chad Kroeger might want to spend his share of the money on a chauffeur after being convicted of drink-driving earlier this year. Whoops. I’m sure he’s not that bothered right now.